Tonja Demoff originally published this post on her website.
Choosing to connect with yourself and commit to a journey of self-improvement is no easy feat. Every day in our lives, we’re faced with choices; these choices range everywhere from what to wear in the morning to whether or not we stop for a yellow light, and can affect every aspect of our lives, even if we aren’t aware of it at the time. Of these countless choices we have to make everyday, many involve how we choose to talk to and view ourselves, and they’re not always positive either. Many of the bad habits we develop in life revolve around our relationships with ourselves, and if we want to truly grow as humans and become our best selves, we need to learn how to work in tandem with ourselves, rather than operating as the opposition. Take some steps in the right direction and learn how to break these toxic habits that most of us are guilty of doing.
Stop talking down to yourself
You know what I’m talking about — the chastising and hateful words we call ourselves in our minds when we err. Sure, it’s only in your head that you’re yelling at yourself, so surely it doesn’t matter, right? Wrong. Your attitude on life and work in general affects your level of success and, when negative, can hamper your progress and performance. Studies have shown that we say an average of 300 to 1,000 words to ourselves each and every minute — that’s over 60,000 words an hour! If someone in your life was saying 60,000 negative words to you each hour, you would cut that person out of your life, so don’t ignore these words just because they’re coming from yourself.
Stop comparing yourself to others
If you look hard enough, you are always going to find someone who is brighter, happier, or better off in life than you are. Stop looking for ways in which you don’t measure up to those around you and start celebrating your accomplishments by allowing yourself to be content with where you are. Everyone accomplishes things in life and hits different milestones at different times, and holding yourself against these arbitrary timelines will accomplish nothing; instead, let yourself progress at your own rate and don’t rush yourself through life in hopes of ‘catching up’ to others around you.
Stop replaying your failures on repeat
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge believer in making mistakes and using those moments as opportunities to learn and grow as a person. That being said, there is certainly a point in self-reflection where ruminating on your mistakes becomes dwelling on them, and this is the point where you need to pick yourself up and move on. While learning from mistakes is a must, allowing yourself to become mired in them is a majorly toxic habit that you need to break.
